Allow me to quote from another Advocate article:
"Both Anastasia’s and Lisa’s comments strike me as hard on the sexually inexperienced bisexual person, who, while annoying, has to start somewhere. (I too did the old drunken-hookup-with-women thing back in the day...)"
-Jennifer Baumgardner, "Objects of Suspicion." http://www.advocate.com/print_article_ektid51686.asp [[note: I posted this article in February here!]]
No one has a right to say who is and isn't authentically bisexual, just like no one has a right to tell someone they're not "really" gay or lesbian.
If you expect anyone to respect you and your self-label, don't disrespect others and what they choose to call themselves.
Yes, there might be something wrong with sexual behavior that is done only for the pleasure of others and not for oneself (then again, I don't hear anyone b*tching about stripping, or having sex to please a partner when one isn't really in the mood, or... the list goes on). But what's going on in cases like "girls making out" is not always (just) performance... and that's exactly what this song is about. It's about exploration, surprise, and ambivalence. Did YOU ever experience those things in your coming-out process?
Zach, I'm sorry that your girlfriend cried over the song. I'm more sorry that your voice, not hers, is the one being heard here. I would like to hear her opinion in her words.
I'm bisexual (and female) and have been out in one form or another for 10 years. Like Baumgardner, making out with other women while drinking - sometimes in the presence of men! - was one of the first places I got to explore my sexuality, because it was a socially acceptable space to do so. I already knew I was bi; I could give you a laundry list of reasons why I hadn't gotten to explore it earlier - not the least of which was the severe and still persistent biphobia among the lesbian community.
Dare I go further to say that I sometimes enjoyed the fact that my sexual acts and sexuality were bringing pleasure to others, whatever their gender? It's important to note that during these make-out sessions (which were, in fact, numerous at one point in my life) there were sometimes women who enjoyed watching as well. There are any number of reasons why being sexual in front of others turned me on. And yeah, I would call kissing being sexual. The fact is that I wasn't the first to perform a sexual behavior that I enjoyed with a second human being in front of others. What is wrong with doing so? There's nothing necessarily bisexual about it, either. If you are a gay man, have you ever danced with a guy at a gay bar and enjoyed the fact that someone watching you was enjoying watching you? There's no difference. Is sex something that must remained confined to the bedroom, something to keep out of the public eye?
No, ladies, there is no place for your "experiments" here. Sexuality cannot and must not be fluid, and it is definitely not something to be explored. And God forbid you get any pleasure out of being sexual in front of others. Get back in your closet. *cough* Don't come back until you are bisexual 4 rlz - or, better yet, 100% clearly 'mo or 'ro. By the way, you ought to know already what you are without actually acting out any feelings.
I never want to read another sentence like this: "I don't expect some article about trivial female entertainers who use their se-called [sic] bisexuality in an attempt to tiitillate [sic] grubby straight guys" again.
No one should be saying things like "so-called bisexuality" seriously on this site if we intend to be truly inclusive and respectful of everyone.
How many other female entertainers have performed same-sex erotic behavior in an attempt to titillate an audience? Let's start with Madonna... Advocate, you should never write about Madonna again. I'm sure *that* would go over well.
To more than one previous commenter: Gee, you guys really like the word "titillate." It's a fun word, isn't it? Wonder if you'd be using the same verb were Perry male.
But I digress.
I personally am not offended by "I Kissed a Girl." Whether or not you are, I appreciate that it's given us the chance to start this conversation, and I hope that you do too.
Finally, regarding "Ur So Gay:" I am positive almost everyone reading this comment has described something or someone as "so gay" in a similar manner to Perry. So before you get all up in arms about the song, think twice about your own use of the term.
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
In Defense of Katy Perry: Part I.
After reading this article and its atrocious user-posted comments (here, scroll down) on theadvocate.com, I wanted to post a great comment. Unfortunately I misread "1000 character limit" as "1000 word limit" and didn't figure my mistake out until I was ready to post what I'd written. Fail. So you, lucky reader, get to read my full-length rant. Hopefully I'll edit it down sometime soon.